While shopping at the Co-Op one rain rainy day, Jack was approached by a slick salesman, dressed in Carhart overalls. For those of you who do not know Carhart overalls, while high quality farm wear, are expensive and therefore “slick”. This guy slides up to Jack and softly asks, “Wanna buy some beans?” To which Jack, a young card carrying former FFA member replied, “What cha got?” “My dear boy I have some “magic” beans” the salesman whispered. Jack knew this was serious, he’d watched a ton of HGTV. ” What are they going for?” Jack replied casually. The salesman cracked a crooked smile and said $100 a pound. “The hell you say!”, barked Jack. “Son, these are Magic beans. I could charge double.” the salesman said cockily. Jack asked, “What kind of magic do they do?” ” Oh Lots of things, my dear boy”, the salesman quipped. Like grow a giant stalk that I can climb up?”, Jack joked. “That’s crazy, but I did hear Monsanto was working on a GMO for that. Here boy let me tell you about these magic beans. You see this dried up bean here? This thing is a wonder of nature. This bean can do all sorts of things. Take this bean home. Plant it in the ground.” “Nothing so magic so far.” Jack interrupted sarcastically. ” I do not take well to sarcasm, Einstein.” the salesman replied. ” Shall I continue?” “Go on, get er done!” snapped Jack. ” After a few days a plant will emerge.”The salesman pressed on, as a small crowd started to gather.,” but hold on to your hats, ladies and gentlemen. This plant will remove Nitrogen from the air. Use some, and then store the rest along the roots in the soil for next year’s crop. Now what do all plants need to grow?” he asked the crowd. They, as if mesmerized, responded loudly in “amen corner” unison “Nitrogen!”
This did startle two other Patrons. Old Man Webb, nearly dropped his bottle of fish emulsion, and that weird lady with the hair did drop some crystal cowboy figurine. Shattering it near the front counter. The crowd paid no attention as they were transfixed by the bean sermon. The salesman carried on, ” Next this plant will produce flowers. The bees will travel from bloom to bloom and take a small amount of nectar. During this “Bee Happy Hour” pollen, the flower love powder, will be spread, from one bloom to another. This will then cause the bloom to “magically” transform into a bean.” “Preach on brother!” was heard from over by the dog food. “Not just any bean. A “Blue Lake” bush bean. You can pick these beans, steam, grill, or bake them, eat them, and they will magically turn into vitamin packed energy.” The crowd was starting to push forward past the large scale near the grass seed bins. ” And that’s not all friends!”, he exclaimed. “The bees will make honey, sweet, sweet honey. So who’s in?” he shouted, sweating like T.D Jakes. The crowd rushed forward, including young Jack. Jack planted his Co-Op magic beans, and all the things the salesman had said came true. Every now and then you can see Jack, while inspecting his rows, sneakily measuring the stalks for mutant growth. You never know about Monsanto. This story is totally fictional. Beans are not $100 per pound.
